A Single's Guide to Surviving Valentine's Day

Anyone who has ever been single during Valentine's Day (a.k.a. Single's Awareness Day or SAD for short) knows how awkward it can be. Whether or not you are happy being single or are desperately wishing for a significant other, you know that one of the worst things you will receive are the pitying looks from friends and family.

I was blissfully ignorant that I was worthy of pity on Valentine's Day all the way up till college (since I was homeschooled, it had just been a day like any other with the exception of a parental date night that would have left me in charge of the younger kids). My college campus was positively buzzing with Valentine's Day plans. One of the clubs even held a fundraiser during the season selling Crush sodas that you could send to your "crush." The girls who had dates oozed over their boyfriend's romantic plans while the singles threw pity parties in the dorm lobbies. Needless to say, pity from both the inside and outside really didn't boost the contentment factor of life.

So, this year I have decided to compile a list of hints and ideas to help keep singles self-pity free on Valentine's Day.

1. Pray. This is not just super spiritual advice that I threw in to make me seem like a good Christian girl. I'm really serious. If you have a tendency to feel sorry for yourself, pray for protection from those feelings. Also, if you have people in your life that rub your singleness in your face or make you feel inadequate, pray that God will shut their mouths. Ask God to show Himself to you in a special way on Valentine's Day. Remember that He loves you more than any person possibly could.

2. Have a "single's only" day. Get together with some of your single friends and agree before hand not to throw a pity party. Do something fun and maybe slightly crazy with each other! Go sky diving, play paintball, take the day off and drive to the beach (the crazy part would be going swimming in February!), have a chocolate party and watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory! Be creative!

3. Spend time with family. If Valentine's Day is supposed to be about celebrating love, spend it with some of the people who know you best and still manage to love you! If your family is on the younger side, it shouldn't be that hard to organize a family dinner and game night, but if all of your family members are older and married you will have to work around their plans. Volunteering to babysit your nieces and nephews while their parents have a date night is a good alternative. Not only would you be doing a huge favor for your brother or sister, you would also get a chance to become the "cool" aunt or uncle!

4. Don't start a relationship just for the sake of "not being alone." Selfishly using someone so that you won't have to feel insecure is always a bad idea.

5. Avoid romance movies. If you do find yourself alone on Valentine's Day, resist the impulse to pop in Pride and Prejudice (naturally most men won't have any problem with this bit of advice). I hopelessly love chick flicks, but take it from someone who has been single on Valentine's Day for 22 years running, romance movies just make self-pity worse. If you want to watch a movie, either pick something that completely avoids romance (think Finding Nemo) or a tragic drama that will leave you depressed but rejoicing in your singleness. One of my favorites is The Stoning of Soraya M. I dare you to feel sorry for yourself after watching that tear jerker!

6. Make someone's day. One of my mentor's, Dr. M, hand makes Valentine's Day cards and keeps them with her to hand out to random people. Even if you don't have time to make cards by hand, think about some little ways that you can bring sunshine to someone's life!

7. Do something for yourself. Buy that book or movie you have been resisting because money is tight...and then don't feel guilty about it! Get a massage, plan that vacation, start that book!

Isolated

I was faced with an uncomfortable fact about myself this weekend. After harboring perpetual fantasies of independence and “making it on my own,” the sudden experience of what it actually felt like to be completely isolated smacked me in the face.

Nothing truly dramatic happened. I was asked to dog sit for a family over the Thanksgiving holiday; so for an entire week it was just me and an old Labrador retriever hanging out in a quiet neighborhood. Being alone has never intimidated me. In fact, the prospect of solitude for extended amounts of time actually seemed like a perk. I enthusiastically made plans to read, write, work, catch up on my “must-see” movie list; even the idea of walking the dog in the peaceful wooded setting next to a running creek added a touch of romance to my expectations (no doubt encouraged by the Gothic novel I am currently reading). 

For the most part, all my expectations were met. I definitely enjoyed my days of peaceful solitude and independence, even though I did not see anyone for days at a time and was without access to a car. The house itself would have been completely bathed in silence had it not been for the whining dog, my momentary bursts of singing, the internet radio, and my multi-genre movie watching binge.

The problem did not surface until the sun set.

The open, flowing contemporary design of the home, which I adored during the day gave me a distinct feeling of unease at night. Every room had either a wall of windows or a skylight, so there was no escaping the dark outside view no matter where I went. Late at night, the dog would periodically run to one of the windows and start barking or growling. It was eerie to peak out the windows only to be startled by my own reflection. I constantly left all the doors locked.

When I went to bed, the house would creak and my over active imagination would turn them into footsteps. There were times when I even thought I heard whispering, which actually turned out to be the dog breathing at the foot of the bed. Needless to say, I did not sleep very well that week. I went to bed late so I could avoid having to turn all the lights off until the last possible moment and was awoken early every morning by the dog. Most days, I would curl up on the couch in broad daylight and try to nab a couple of hours of uninhibited rest.

The fear became so overwhelming one night that I was almost tempted to stay up on the couch until the sun rose. As a disclaimer, I am no stranger to the power of prayer or even to spiritual warfare. It actually did take some intensive prayer to finally get me to relax enough to go to bed (I prayed that Jesus would deliver me from the fear and He did, along with giving me a tender reminder that He had angels encamped around me).

But facing my own vulnerability was unnerving. The girl who had always been so content with the independence of single life suddenly found herself wishing for the security that a husband and family had to offer. All the dreams of traveling by myself and living on my own went flying out the window in favor wanting to have someone stronger nearby. It was quite a “reality check” moment.

Of course, I believe that God will protect me where ever He leads and that the safest place to be is the center of His will. I also believe in the power and might of God no matter what schemes the enemy might use against me. My problem was the fact that, in one week, all my ambitious dreams were squelched by a creaking house and snoring dog!

 It was definitely not what I was expecting from a week of solitude.