"It's All Right To NOT Be Ok"

          So one of the things on my knot list came to a screeching halt this week. In short, I had planned on transferring to a new college this semester, but God closed the door. That’s the simple version. The complicated version is that I had dreamed of attending that particular school for years and I truly felt like God was leading me there at this time in my life. When moving day came around (yes, I had all of my things packed and ready to go), God shut the door.

          My dream died.

          This happened on Monday. Everyone around me who knew about the situation was very supportive. I knew many people were praying for me because I could feel the difference the prayers were making (for instance, I was able to get out of bed every morning this week, which surprised even me).

          So what is it like to have a dream die? I do not honestly know if I could describe it accurately because I am still in the middle of it. But one thing that dear Ashley told me has probably helped me the most: "It’s all right to NOT be ok."

          I have no idea what I am going to do now or why God closed the door or what the future holds or why nothing makes any sense at all; but I do know that everything is going to work out even if I’m not ok right now. Functioning like you have it all together is not a life necessity anyway.

          Even though God saying "Not now" was and still is confusing, I trust that He knows what He is doing. I gave up my life to Jesus Christ a long time ago, so if He thinks it is best for me not to go, then it must be the right thing. I know He loves me and I am still in love with Him.

          On the bright side, the fact that I am not going to school this semester makes it more likely that I will be able to spend Christmas in England with my friends, Pearl and Nicole. England has been something we have been planning for the past two years, but things have always gotten in the way or fallen through. Now at least the pieces are coming together for us to have a magical Christmas in Jane Austen country with our beloved mentor, Dr. M.

          Also, staying home this semester just means that I get to spend more time with my family (which is a good thing considering that my younger siblings are growing up waaaayyyy to fast). Having random adventures with Ashley as we try to complete our knot lists is definitely another perk.

          I guess Maria from the amazing movie The Sound of Music was right when she said: "When God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window"