Live Like You Actually Believe It...

          Have you noticed how we can believe something but not really believe it? It can even be something that we talk about all the time, like God or family togetherness or a stomach ache. We say we believe in God and that family togetherness is necessary and that eating too much cheesecake will give us a stomach ache, but for some reason we still live out our lives as if we really do not believe that any of those things actually exist.

          For me, it was the belief that I could be happy being single.

          A brief history of my life, I was born single (shocking, I know), remain single twenty-one years later, and will probably be single for a few more years (unless God decides to spring something on me out of nowhere). I have never dated, never been kissed, and never been asked out on a date by a guy who did not completely creep me out or make me uncomfortable. Now, for the past twenty-one years, I have consistently told people that I was blissfully happy being single. I mean, what’s not to love? As a single, I am free to do my own thing. I can hang out with my female friends on weekends without having to explain to a guy why I am not with him instead. I can stay within my 500 texts-per-month limit. I can be break-up free. I can sit in a movie theater and laugh at a scene that no one else is laughing at without wondering why the guy sitting next me doesn’t think the cheesy plot is, well, cheesy. When I want to watch a chick flick, I can watch a chick flick. When I want to go make-up free, I can go make-up free. I have nobody to impress but myself. I believe all of this (or at least I tell myself I do when I see my friends going through guy trouble).

          But any girl being honest with herself and others will tell you that realizing that you aren’t exactly the "happy single" you believe yourself to be is a very annoying, depressing, and common occurrence. The realization hits like the flu, sometimes you see it coming (like being maid-of-honor at your best friend’s wedding) and sometimes you don’t (like when you see that cute older couple walking through the mall hand-in-hand or when you see a young mom and dad watching as their little baby girl starts to walk on her very own). The thoughts "God, when is it going to be my turn?" "Why on earth aren’t there any good guys around anymore?" and "What is so wrong with me that I can’t find a good man?" inevitably fly through a girl’s head. You realize that instead of being happy, you actually are just waiting for a guy to appear so you can start being happy. So, in dealing with all of this, we are faced with the ultimate question of "Can happiness and singleness coexist even if it means never getting married?" And even if we say we believe a single life can be a happy life, do we actually believe it? And so, with that question, it began….

          I was spending the night at one of my best friend’s house and we started talking about our common singleness. Ashley had dated before, but let’s just say that the guys she went out with were two of the reasons I was extremely happy to avoid relationships at the time. Our conversation that night led to God and how Christians are supposed to view being single. There was such a mutual flow of thoughts and realizations that I am not really sure who came up with idea first or how it even came up at all. But the idea that was birthed that night through talking about God and how we are supposed to live our single lives was…

          …The Knot List.

          Basically a list of all the things we wanted to do before we "tied the knot." It was like an epiphany. Both of us had a list of things we wanted to do with future husbands (Ashley wanted to read through the Bible with her husband, I wanted to go skydiving). It hit us that why should we wait to do those things until we are married? Why not experience life now with our friends and family instead of waiting for a man to magically appear?

          Even though I know that there is no way our idea of a Knot List is original (which is a good thing really), it is still something I thought was important to put out there. If others can find contentment in their single years the same way we did (and are going to do), then recording all of my struggles (which, let’s face it, are still going to be there) and crazy adventures is worth it. So I challenge any single person reading this post to live the single life God has given you. These are the years to experience things that you won’t get to do when you are married and have children (ask any married person and they will tell you). Live life like you actually believe you are happy being single and might just find out that you are happy.

           And, yes, I fully intend on skydiving.